Tuesday, January 3, 2017
PAC
My heart stutters and skips,
puts a choke-hold on my breath
as though seeking escape.
Should I ignore this irregular tempo
pulsing in my chest?
It refuses to be tamed by
ape-like chest thumping,
pays no heed to scold,
is neither soothed by soup
nor calmed by tea.
I learned the name
for this worrying condition
from a nurse.
PAC, she said.
Pre-atrial contraction.
These things happen
as we age.
I wanted to object.
I am not old!
But she knows
I am.
Still, I bet she’s never
spent a day
with skittering, crazy,
unsynchronized cadence.
I’ve been free of it
for months now.
I'm puzzled.
Why is it back?
What have I changed?
Memory blips:
Another bump in the road
to old age.
Friday, November 18, 2016
Through a New Lens
November 2016
Election day passes
drop by drop
at the eye surgery center.
My right eye
is stripped of clouds,
the lens replaced.
I watch vote counts,
plastic taped across my eye,
vision obscured, outcome uncertain.
The morning after, no flash of light.
I fight the urge to rub an itch,
to blink away peripheral discomfort.
I wear dark goggles in bright sun
and drive without my glasses,
signs and stoplights clear and bright.
At follow-up, pressure reading: 22.
Is that good? The doc evades,
confuses by adding one more drop.
Three times a day
I stop everything,
follow instructions and treat my eye:
drop #1, three minutes, eyes closed;
drop #2, breathe in, breathe out;
drop #3, inhale, exhale, relax.
I rise lightheaded yet must continue,
must use all drops
and drain each bottle.
I marvel at brightness,
rediscover color,
delight in detail.
Even so, I dare not look
beyond today, cannot envision
two-thousand-seventeen.
Election day passes
drop by drop
at the eye surgery center.
My right eye
is stripped of clouds,
the lens replaced.
I watch vote counts,
plastic taped across my eye,
vision obscured, outcome uncertain.
The morning after, no flash of light.
I fight the urge to rub an itch,
to blink away peripheral discomfort.
I wear dark goggles in bright sun
and drive without my glasses,
signs and stoplights clear and bright.
At follow-up, pressure reading: 22.
Is that good? The doc evades,
confuses by adding one more drop.
Three times a day
I stop everything,
follow instructions and treat my eye:
drop #1, three minutes, eyes closed;
drop #2, breathe in, breathe out;
drop #3, inhale, exhale, relax.
I rise lightheaded yet must continue,
must use all drops
and drain each bottle.
I marvel at brightness,
rediscover color,
delight in detail.
Even so, I dare not look
beyond today, cannot envision
two-thousand-seventeen.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Meeting Mr. Wonderful
On my hike Saturday, I met Mr. Wonderful. Tall, dark and very handsome, he stood in the shade with two female companions.
I hurried to catch up before they moved on. I couldn’t help myself, drawn by his black curls and gentle demeanor. His companions greeted me. He nodded my direction and gently touched my outstretched hand.
Embarrassed, I proceeded up the hill. They followed close behind, then passed me at the bench where I wrote a haiku to August. (Hillside by the trail/covered with blonde bedhead grass – /Northwest in August)
I tracked them to the top, eager to see him again. His companions explained that he didn’t like the downhill. We fell in together, the four of us, pausing whenever he did.
When they stopped halfway down, I decided to continue alone.
That’s when I learned his name.
Noodle, the black Labradoodle. What a guy!
I hurried to catch up before they moved on. I couldn’t help myself, drawn by his black curls and gentle demeanor. His companions greeted me. He nodded my direction and gently touched my outstretched hand.
Embarrassed, I proceeded up the hill. They followed close behind, then passed me at the bench where I wrote a haiku to August. (Hillside by the trail/covered with blonde bedhead grass – /Northwest in August)
I tracked them to the top, eager to see him again. His companions explained that he didn’t like the downhill. We fell in together, the four of us, pausing whenever he did.
When they stopped halfway down, I decided to continue alone.
That’s when I learned his name.
Noodle, the black Labradoodle. What a guy!
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Learning to be late
No magazines to spread germs.
No music to soothe or annoy.
No cell phone use allowed.
No clock to track the time.
Nothing to keep anxiety at bay.
The water cooler breaks the quiet, then silences itself.
I breathe, close my eyes, concentrate on calm, resist impulse to check my phone for the time.
I watch those who arrived before and after me disappear then reemerge.
I wait for a tardy friend just fifteen minutes.
How long do I wait for the doctor?
Conversations between patients and receptionists fill the silence, then drain away.
Doors open, others are called.
Doors open, others exit.
I fidget. The urge to pee grows.
But do I dare lock myself behind that solid door far across the room?
Surely I must be next.
A woman in wheel chair checks in, fills her paperwork, rolls off to see the doctor.
Almost thirty minutes since I checked in.
Did I get the time wrong?
I pace, carrying the sheet of paper from check-in.
Then I notice the appointment time:
Twenty minutes after what I’d written down six months ago.
And at that point I am called.
In their view, right on time.
But now my blood pressure is up.
I ask the reason for 20 minute difference between arrival and appointment.
We need you here early.
Well, yes, I’m always early.
But I didn’t hear suggested arrival time,
I heard this is your appointment time.
Next time, I’ll show up five minutes after that suggested arrival time.
Someone can wait for me for a change. I need to learn how to be late.
No music to soothe or annoy.
No cell phone use allowed.
No clock to track the time.
Nothing to keep anxiety at bay.
The water cooler breaks the quiet, then silences itself.
I breathe, close my eyes, concentrate on calm, resist impulse to check my phone for the time.
I watch those who arrived before and after me disappear then reemerge.
I wait for a tardy friend just fifteen minutes.
How long do I wait for the doctor?
Conversations between patients and receptionists fill the silence, then drain away.
Doors open, others are called.
Doors open, others exit.
I fidget. The urge to pee grows.
But do I dare lock myself behind that solid door far across the room?
Surely I must be next.
A woman in wheel chair checks in, fills her paperwork, rolls off to see the doctor.
Almost thirty minutes since I checked in.
Did I get the time wrong?
I pace, carrying the sheet of paper from check-in.
Then I notice the appointment time:
Twenty minutes after what I’d written down six months ago.
And at that point I am called.
In their view, right on time.
But now my blood pressure is up.
I ask the reason for 20 minute difference between arrival and appointment.
We need you here early.
Well, yes, I’m always early.
But I didn’t hear suggested arrival time,
I heard this is your appointment time.
Next time, I’ll show up five minutes after that suggested arrival time.
Someone can wait for me for a change. I need to learn how to be late.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Chrome, the Cheshire Cat of Windows 10
Badgered into moving
from my cozy internet connection
I succumbed,
I accepted,
I downloaded.
Ten is the number assigned
to my new improved Window
on cyberspace.
A round, promising ten.
They guaranteed I would be pleased,
would find my way with grace and speed.
I spent days, like Alice
chasing a vanished Cheshire smile,
searching for my own Chrome Cat,
circling, cycling,
turning and turning
and returning
to try again.
I glimpsed that elusive Cat before
it faded to a round afterimage
that pulsed when touched
then slept.
Where had he hid, that sneaky creature?
I asked the cybernerds for help
to find elusive Chrome-y Cat
and learned I’m not the only one
pawing through the tangled Web,
grasping at that small balloon,
to watch it vanish once again,
then emerge when I look
the other way.
But no, I haven’t really tracked him
cannot trick him into staying.
So like a cat! Yet I persist,
hope to coax him back to me,
entice him to purr again
and consent to stay.
from my cozy internet connection
I succumbed,
I accepted,
I downloaded.
Ten is the number assigned
to my new improved Window
on cyberspace.
A round, promising ten.
They guaranteed I would be pleased,
would find my way with grace and speed.
I spent days, like Alice
chasing a vanished Cheshire smile,
searching for my own Chrome Cat,
circling, cycling,
turning and turning
and returning
to try again.
I glimpsed that elusive Cat before
it faded to a round afterimage
that pulsed when touched
then slept.
Where had he hid, that sneaky creature?
I asked the cybernerds for help
to find elusive Chrome-y Cat
and learned I’m not the only one
pawing through the tangled Web,
grasping at that small balloon,
to watch it vanish once again,
then emerge when I look
the other way.
But no, I haven’t really tracked him
cannot trick him into staying.
So like a cat! Yet I persist,
hope to coax him back to me,
entice him to purr again
and consent to stay.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
A Moving Experience
Yes, once again, I’m moving. Or, more accurately, have moved. I’m nearly settled in my new place, but I don’t want to forget the process. Like a stray cat, I hope this will be my forever home, that I’m cured of my wandering ways.
It all began when my landlord offered to sell his townhouse-style condo to me. I discovered I could get affordable financing. I also realized I didn’t want a two-story unit.
I told him I would be happy to have his place on the market while I looked for another. I would try to ‘stage’ it and would stay out of the way during showings.
That was on April 13, 2016.
Now that I had qualified for mortgage money, I began looking. I told everyone I knew, including the condo manager.
On April 18, the condo manager called. A single-level unit had just gone on the market. “Call the realtor,” she urged.
I saw the place that afternoon and made an offer the next day, with projected closing on the first of June. The seller accepted!
My notification to the landlord via email brought this response in less than half an hour:
I talked to my realtor and we will be putting the place on the market very soon. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of us.
Thus began the process. Completing loan application, property inspection, appraisal of the property, loan application sent to underwriting.
In the midst of this, many showings of the rental unit – and finally an offer. The physical inspection of that property took place the day my loan application went to underwriting!
Now I was getting nervous. Would I have to live out of my car beside a U-Haul filled with my household goods?
On May 19, my banker emailed of a possible May 27. Yay!
On May 20, she said probably not May 27, but June 1 looks good. Okay, I would miss the three-day Memorial Day weekend to begin the move. Sigh!
Email from banker May 24: your loan is in line with the condo department for a review of the condo docs. I tried to get an eta with no luck
Getting really nervous. I asked for clarification of what steps lay ahead.
Reply on May 25 @3:54pm: Your file is not out of underwriting yet.
Once we have the “clear to close” from underwriting your file will be placed in line for a Closing Disclosure to be prepared and sent to you via email.
Upon acknowledgement from you and return of the signed Closing Document* there are three days before you can sign your loan documents (this is a federal law).
On the third day after you acknowledge, sign and return your Closing Document we will prepare your loan documents and send them to the title company where you will sign said documents.
The title company will then send the signed loan document package back to us. We will then review the documents and fund the loan.
Depending on the time of day* we receive the loan package back and the number of other loans we need to fund as well, we may be able to fund your loan the following day. Otherwise it will be 2 business days after you sign your documents.
(*They often send these documents late in the day, sometimes after 11 p.m. What a mean joke! "You have to get things back to us right away, but we can wait until midnight to send them to you!")
And then this at 4:50pm: I just received an email with a few questions for the HOA manager for your condo complex that she did not answer in the beginning.
When I called, the manager was already madly faxing the info, though she said it was all answered in what she sent originally.
Then, on May 26, the bank asked for a 10-day extension on escrow closing! And I learned the rental will close on June 18. Cutting it close!
In the end, someone – probably The Force – stepped in and arranged a closing on June 1, with only a 24-hour waiting period before gaining access. Whew!
So now, I only have to change my address. On everything. Thank goodness I still have the list from my last move.
Life is good.
It all began when my landlord offered to sell his townhouse-style condo to me. I discovered I could get affordable financing. I also realized I didn’t want a two-story unit.
I told him I would be happy to have his place on the market while I looked for another. I would try to ‘stage’ it and would stay out of the way during showings.
That was on April 13, 2016.
Now that I had qualified for mortgage money, I began looking. I told everyone I knew, including the condo manager.
On April 18, the condo manager called. A single-level unit had just gone on the market. “Call the realtor,” she urged.
I saw the place that afternoon and made an offer the next day, with projected closing on the first of June. The seller accepted!
My notification to the landlord via email brought this response in less than half an hour:
I talked to my realtor and we will be putting the place on the market very soon. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of us.
Thus began the process. Completing loan application, property inspection, appraisal of the property, loan application sent to underwriting.
In the midst of this, many showings of the rental unit – and finally an offer. The physical inspection of that property took place the day my loan application went to underwriting!
Now I was getting nervous. Would I have to live out of my car beside a U-Haul filled with my household goods?
On May 19, my banker emailed of a possible May 27. Yay!
On May 20, she said probably not May 27, but June 1 looks good. Okay, I would miss the three-day Memorial Day weekend to begin the move. Sigh!
Email from banker May 24: your loan is in line with the condo department for a review of the condo docs. I tried to get an eta with no luck
Getting really nervous. I asked for clarification of what steps lay ahead.
Reply on May 25 @3:54pm: Your file is not out of underwriting yet.
Once we have the “clear to close” from underwriting your file will be placed in line for a Closing Disclosure to be prepared and sent to you via email.
Upon acknowledgement from you and return of the signed Closing Document* there are three days before you can sign your loan documents (this is a federal law).
On the third day after you acknowledge, sign and return your Closing Document we will prepare your loan documents and send them to the title company where you will sign said documents.
The title company will then send the signed loan document package back to us. We will then review the documents and fund the loan.
Depending on the time of day* we receive the loan package back and the number of other loans we need to fund as well, we may be able to fund your loan the following day. Otherwise it will be 2 business days after you sign your documents.
(*They often send these documents late in the day, sometimes after 11 p.m. What a mean joke! "You have to get things back to us right away, but we can wait until midnight to send them to you!")
And then this at 4:50pm: I just received an email with a few questions for the HOA manager for your condo complex that she did not answer in the beginning.
When I called, the manager was already madly faxing the info, though she said it was all answered in what she sent originally.
Then, on May 26, the bank asked for a 10-day extension on escrow closing! And I learned the rental will close on June 18. Cutting it close!
In the end, someone – probably The Force – stepped in and arranged a closing on June 1, with only a 24-hour waiting period before gaining access. Whew!
So now, I only have to change my address. On everything. Thank goodness I still have the list from my last move.
Life is good.
A Moving Experience
Yes, once again, I’m moving. Or, more accurately, have moved. I’m nearly settled in my new place, but I don’t want to forget the process. Like a stray cat, I hope this will be my forever home, that I’m cured of my wandering ways.
It all began when my landlord offered to sell his townhouse-style condo to me. I discovered I could get affordable financing. I also realized I didn’t want a two-story unit.
I told him I would be happy to have his place on the market while I looked for another. I would try to ‘stage’ it and would stay out of the way during showings.
That was on April 13, 2016.
Now that I had qualified for mortgage money, I began looking. I told everyone I knew, including the condo manager.
On April 18, the condo manager called. A single-level unit had just gone on the market. “Call the realtor,” she urged.
I saw the place that afternoon and made an offer the next day, with projected closing on the first of June. The seller accepted!
My notification to the landlord via email brought this response in less than half an hour:
I talked to my realtor and we will be putting the place on the market very soon. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of us.
Thus began the process. Completing loan application, property inspection, appraisal of the property, loan application sent to underwriting.
In the midst of this, many showings of the rental unit – and finally an offer. The physical inspection of that property took place the day my loan application went to underwriting!
Now I was getting nervous. Would I have to live out of my car beside a U-Haul filled with my household goods?
On May 19, my banker emailed of a possible May 27. Yay!
On May 20, she said probably not May 27, but June 1 looks good. Okay, I would miss the three-day Memorial Day weekend to begin the move. Sigh!
Email from banker May 24: your loan is in line with the condo department for a review of the condo docs. I tried to get an eta with no luck
Getting really nervous. I asked for clarification of what steps lay ahead.
Reply on May 25 @3:54pm: Your file is not out of underwriting yet.
Once we have the “clear to close” from underwriting your file will be placed in line for a Closing Disclosure to be prepared and sent to you via email.
Upon acknowledgement from you and return of the signed Closing Document* there are three days before you can sign your loan documents (this is a federal law).
On the third day after you acknowledge, sign and return your Closing Document we will prepare your loan documents and send them to the title company where you will sign said documents.
The title company will then send the signed loan document package back to us. We will then review the documents and fund the loan.
Depending on the time of day* we receive the loan package back and the number of other loans we need to fund as well, we may be able to fund your loan the following day. Otherwise it will be 2 business days after you sign your documents.
(*They often send these documents late in the day, sometimes after 11 p.m. What a mean joke! "You have to get things back to us right away, but we can wait until midnight to send them to you!")
And then this at 4:50pm: I just received an email with a few questions for the HOA manager for your condo complex that she did not answer in the beginning.
When I called, the manager was already madly faxing the info, though she said it was all answered in what she sent originally.
Then, on May 26, the bank asked for a 10-day extension on escrow closing! And I learned the rental will close on June 18. Cutting it close!
In the end, someone – probably The Force – stepped in and arranged a closing on June 1, with only a 24-hour waiting period before gaining access. Whew!
So now, I only have to change my address. On everything. Thank goodness I still have the list from my last move.
Life is good.
It all began when my landlord offered to sell his townhouse-style condo to me. I discovered I could get affordable financing. I also realized I didn’t want a two-story unit.
I told him I would be happy to have his place on the market while I looked for another. I would try to ‘stage’ it and would stay out of the way during showings.
That was on April 13, 2016.
Now that I had qualified for mortgage money, I began looking. I told everyone I knew, including the condo manager.
On April 18, the condo manager called. A single-level unit had just gone on the market. “Call the realtor,” she urged.
I saw the place that afternoon and made an offer the next day, with projected closing on the first of June. The seller accepted!
My notification to the landlord via email brought this response in less than half an hour:
I talked to my realtor and we will be putting the place on the market very soon. Hopefully everything will work out for the both of us.
Thus began the process. Completing loan application, property inspection, appraisal of the property, loan application sent to underwriting.
In the midst of this, many showings of the rental unit – and finally an offer. The physical inspection of that property took place the day my loan application went to underwriting!
Now I was getting nervous. Would I have to live out of my car beside a U-Haul filled with my household goods?
On May 19, my banker emailed of a possible May 27. Yay!
On May 20, she said probably not May 27, but June 1 looks good. Okay, I would miss the three-day Memorial Day weekend to begin the move. Sigh!
Email from banker May 24: your loan is in line with the condo department for a review of the condo docs. I tried to get an eta with no luck
Getting really nervous. I asked for clarification of what steps lay ahead.
Reply on May 25 @3:54pm: Your file is not out of underwriting yet.
Once we have the “clear to close” from underwriting your file will be placed in line for a Closing Disclosure to be prepared and sent to you via email.
Upon acknowledgement from you and return of the signed Closing Document* there are three days before you can sign your loan documents (this is a federal law).
On the third day after you acknowledge, sign and return your Closing Document we will prepare your loan documents and send them to the title company where you will sign said documents.
The title company will then send the signed loan document package back to us. We will then review the documents and fund the loan.
Depending on the time of day* we receive the loan package back and the number of other loans we need to fund as well, we may be able to fund your loan the following day. Otherwise it will be 2 business days after you sign your documents.
(*They often send these documents late in the day, sometimes after 11 p.m. What a mean joke! "You have to get things back to us right away, but we can wait until midnight to send them to you!")
And then this at 4:50pm: I just received an email with a few questions for the HOA manager for your condo complex that she did not answer in the beginning.
When I called, the manager was already madly faxing the info, though she said it was all answered in what she sent originally.
Then, on May 26, the bank asked for a 10-day extension on escrow closing! And I learned the rental will close on June 18. Cutting it close!
In the end, someone – probably The Force – stepped in and arranged a closing on June 1, with only a 24-hour waiting period before gaining access. Whew!
So now, I only have to change my address. On everything. Thank goodness I still have the list from my last move.
Life is good.
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