Country Music

“He was a creep,” she said, startling me. I had just claimed to appreciate his music.

I’d engaged in a spontaneous conversation with two women – strangers to me – in the library bookstore. We’d been discussing the PBS special on Country Music, the things we’d learned or learned in depth from the series.

I said, “I read two biographies of him and hadn’t gotten the impression that he was a creep.”
I quickly excused myself.

Later I wished I’d said that one was written by an admirer, one by someone who was dismissive of his talent. And I wanted to go back and ask what she meant, what defined him as a creep. Did she know him personally?

Her comment seemed odd since we had already noted the prevalence of alcohol and drug abuse by many country stars – the early deaths, destroyed relationships, legal problems.

I’m a recovering alcoholic. I know how strange we can seem, how our feeling of unworthiness can goad us into pomposity, how our moods can turn quickly. When under the influence our personalities warp and we take actions that appall us later. People judge us. Stars who are alcoholic suffer the same erratic traits. They live in the fishbowl of public scrutiny. He was no exception. He had a big ego and, when drinking, an unpredictable temper.

He’s been dead for years. His career had faded before he fell out of the sky that day. Was he a creep? It doesn’t matter. I still love his music, his voice.

RIP John Denver.

Family Fotos

1963, November.

Grammy sits erect yet at ease in that wingback chair, ankles crossed, arms draped over the armrests. Her hands dangle, open and relaxed. She looks to the side, faint smile in her eyes. My sweet, patient, calm Grammy.

1964, July.

Grammy perches on a wood bench, a flowered hat pinned to her hair, purse clenched beneath the arm supporting her great grandson. His head flops over her other arm. She braces her feet apart as though straining to keep his 2-week-old body safe.

2019, May.

I cradle my great grandniece, my arms posed exactly like Grammy’s. At nearly three months, Caroline is heavier than I expected. Though I am ten years younger than Grammy was, I understand the effort it took to appear at ease with that precious new life.